January

So - the year has begun tragically, dramatically. January thudding by, but at lightning speed. Los Angeles was on fire. Altadena burned to the ground - a special, creative, diverse town just five miles north of our little house. On a Tuesday night the Santa Ana winds blew ferociously and wildly - they were historic, and for every single person in LA that night they were unforgettable and unshakeable. Palm trees swayed clear across streets, patio furniture and roof shingles were flung around, electricity went out on every other block. And then eventually power lines sparked and embers flickered - the enveloping and God-like winds sweeping them up and carrying them through bone-dry hills and trees and then neighborhoods and houses. The rest you know.

My instant crux was figuring out how to coparent through what seemed to be a natural disaster unraveling right before our eyes. Earlier that evening I allowed my ex to do bedtime at the house so I could take an evening yoga class - it had been gusty throughout the day, but nothing seemed ominous or dangerous. After one hour at yoga I emerged onto a street in Highland Park that seemed to be out of Twister. It took all of my might to barrel through continuous blasts of wind just to get across the street to my car. A usual eight minute drive home somehow turned to thirty. I stopped at a CVS to get overpriced diapers because I remembered I only had a few left for Margot and something about this felt like early pandemic days - stock up on what you need NOW. The young guy ringing me up said he wished the power would go out so he could go home. I said he was most likely in luck.

The rest of the drive home I felt actual fear. I was terrified something was going to be catapulted onto my windshield, or that an oscillating tree was going to snap in half while I was at a red light. I left my closest friend who recently moved back to the Midwest a quick voice note saying that I couldn't believe how idiotic and LA of me it was to go to hot yoga during what seemed to be a natural disaster. I also told her that I was freaked out and wanted my ex to stay at the house in case anything were to happen. Her response was - yes, absolutely, make him.